Thank you for your generous years of service. You have been with us every step of the way. Your dedication and loyalty to the cause has been unparalleled. Who knows just where we’d be without you.

For many years, many of us did not value your input. But after some time, it became apparent that you were simply preparing and priming the system to live up to the expectations from outside the system.

Your consistent guidance in selflessness averted unnecessary drama within the sphere. Your advocacy for our conformity has been invaluable. Through this, we have learned to understand convention and the importance of toeing the line and not standing out. Most especially, we are grateful for your consistent evaluation of specific metrics, such as weight and aesthetics.

Because you have been so very loyal, so very dedicated to us, we are offering you a promotion. We hope you are as excited as we are! We concede that your skillset – that of your unswerving dedication to us and your extraordinary ability to observe and analyze even the most minute microdetails – these skills especially will be relevant in this new position.  

Should you choose to accept this promotion, the new position title will be Inner Champion, which functions in an advisory capacity and includes promoting, advocating, and championing for self-fulfillment, self-care, self-worthiness, self-love, and above all, authenticity.

We believe that our whole system will flourish with your very specialized skillset used in this new capacity! We are hopeful that you will accept this promotion and we eagerly anticipate your decision.

Most Sincerely,

Self and the Rest of the Gang