A slight breeze from the north waves the grasses and shrub branches around. Another movement grabs my attention. It’s a male finch that shifts from foot to foot, but quickly flits away, the vivid male red finch color with him. Like a shooting star, the finch was gone before I was fully conscious of him.
Becoming conscious of the male finch reminds me of becoming conscious of our parts (see previous blogs regarding Cricket). Once we become aware of our parts, we can get to know them and understand them. Some parts might be more likable than others and some may show up more readily than others. Knowing our parts helps us understand ourselves better and can help minimize any internal conflict between our parts and within ourselves.
To give you an idea of the parts you may have, maybe this exercise will help get you started: Imagine something that you love – a sunset, cats, a favorite beach. Whatever it is, ask yourself, What part of me loves that? Maybe it’s an easy-going part or a loving part. Next, focus on something that makes you anxious – like public speaking or flying. Ask what part of me gets anxious? That’s likely your anxious part. The part that loves the cat will be distinctly different from the part that is fearful of flying.
Likewise, we might have a little kid part that is wounded and stuck in two-year old mode. Ever see a full-blown adult have a full-blown two-year old type temper tantrum? Each part ultimately wants what it thinks is best for us. But in the case of stuck parts (like little kid, here), that part may need to be updated, to understand that we are now 35 or 63 and that it’s no longer appropriate to have the temper tantrum – that there are more mature ways to get our needs met.
We start with asking this part what it needs. Interestingly, it will likely provide a distinct answer. Parts often feel isolated, as though they are not a part of the whole. They often want assurance that they are needed. They want to be respected and validated. The ultimate goal is to have our parts integrated and working together. Integration of our parts (all parts working together) will provide peace and make us whole.
Reflecting on the very parts of ourselves, it becomes obvious that our parts are just like people and the very people within our communities. All need to be heard, validated, understood. If we first do this work internally and then are able to expand the work externally to all individuals within our communities, maybe we will become integrated, paving the way for wholeness and peace on a societal level.
If you wish to find a therapist to help you with parts work, look for an EMDR therapist who uses Ego State Therapy on Psychology Today or other networks that promote local therapists.
