Something has been gnawing at me all day and when I look out the window, suddenly, I recognize the gnawing is a longing for nature. The first cold snap of the season has kept me indoors more than I’m used to, and I’ve been missing my usual dose of sky, plants, topography. I put on a jacket and once out, notice that it’s a pleasant cool (versus the cold I had imagined) and it’s calm, peaceful, still.
In the desert, I’m distracted by all of the changes since I’ve last been here;
the sun is no longer overhead but shines from a more southerly angle.
A field of papery, bleached-out grasses accentuates shadscale shrubs that range in astonishing hues from pastel peach to vivid scarlet.
A few buckwheat plants show off lacy flowers.
And Halogeton, an introduced species compliments of Russia, is in full bloom. I’m surprised to catch myself thinking how handsome it is – as my Natural-Resources-Trained Part, has been schooled to think of Halogeton as nothing but a toxic weed.
Toxic weed! How could I think of it of it as handsome? It’s an enemy!
Ahhh, suddenly, I recognize an old pattern of all-or-nothing thinking or binary thinking, the thinking that only gives me two choices about things: either they are good or bad. My Natural-Resources-Trained Part is stuck: Halogeton=BAD.
As I consider my binary thinking, I hike on, taking a small detour to a rock outcrop where I take advantage of the view and a moment to disect this Halogeton conversation. My more rational, Counselor-Trained Part, shows up to work through this binary thinking issue. Is Halogeton bad, just because it may be toxic to certain livestock under certain conditions? I sense some resistance from my Natural-Resources-Trained Part – it wants to hang on to the narrative that it is bad.
A cool breeze wisps around my eyes and ears and provides a conduit into the present moment. I breathe in the view. Out of nowhere, a Collared Lizard nervously scrambles by. I watch this seemingly anxious creature, and naturally think about Lizard Brain (or limbic system), the system that is designed to keep us safe, but is too often over-activated. My Counselor-Trained Part reflects how binary thinking over-activates that limbic system, by instilling fear. Collared Lizard begins to dart in a new direction, but before she scurries away, she declares:
It is never as simple as black or white, all or nothing. There are many, many shades of gray. Don’t turn to the black and white or all or nothing for answers. They will not provide you with accurate information. Look to the gray.
